Are we over sexed? Or under sexed?
Many people in the American society claim that we over-sexed. The media reports on the sex in movies, sex on television, sex on video games, and sexual lyrics in music. Religious and conservative groups complain about the brief exposure of a woman's breast that happened several years ago. Depending on who you listen to, it would appear that our American society is a highly sexual society.
However, based on my observations and interactions, it appears that many people are looking for sex and wanting more. I don't hear the average person saying, "no thank you, I've had enough sex...I'm sexually fulfilled." Instead, I see a lot of people searching the Internet and trying to get more sex.
After carefully studying the bible, I found two passages that lead me to believe that perhaps the problem is that couples are not getting enough sex. In First Corinthians 7:2-5, the bible instructs a husband and wife to freely give their bodies to each other on a regular basis and not to defraud each other. In other words, have sex on a daily or consistent basis. And in Proverbs 5:19 the bible says that a husband should always be satisfied with his wife's breast, which also implies that a wife should always be trying to satisfy her husband with her breasts. It doesn't say 3 times a week, it says always.
Maybe the reason so many people are searching for sex in all the wrong places is because they are not getting enough sex in the right place. Maybe the problem with our society is not that we are getting too much sex, but rather that we are not getting enough sex?
posted by SAM @ 11:59 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Yes, I believe that you are very likely onto something.
Perhaps you could say that in our age and society people are oversexed outside of marriage and dreadfully undersexed INSIDE marriage.
I've read saddening stories about women who feel that sexual intimacy is "animalistic" and are HAPPY when their husbands get a debilitating disease that sexually cripples the husband.
I've read popular Christian books that explain that women just don't feel motivated by sexual union with their husbands, it doesn't mean much and this has been positioned as just normal the way women are designed.
I've read other Christian books that recommend setting the pace inside marriage at the level of the partner with LOWER needs for intimacy. The idea was to avoid "force feeding" the partner with low desire, but the consequence is for the other partner to be started possibly throughout the entire married life.
(What about each partner deliberately giving to their spouse, so that in a loving choice like this each partner is fulfilled? This is not always taught.)
I think we're messed up (at large, as a society).
Hi SAM
My wife tries to satisfy me, the issue is me. Two years ago, I had prostate cancer and had the prostate removed.
I never knew how important ejaculation was until now. I do not feel like I am really finishing her as should be.
At one time, she was very open, before I met her, lived in an open marriage and loved it. Today, she totally different.
I love my wife’s breast to the fullest, I think we have a totally wrong thoughts and views of sex and be nude. God made us nude, why have we made such a deal of it. So what if a wife, a women shows her body.
Cancer took my sex drive, my desire for sex. What is a husband to do if he can not full fill his desire to satisfy his wife.
To Cancer took my sex drive
Cancer is a horrible illness that can affect both men and women's sexuality. I am certainly no expert on medicine or how to deal with cancer, but here are my thoughts.
First, I believe sex begins in the mind. Engaging in sexual activity is a choice that we make in our mind. Even though your body or parts of your body may not be able to respond, your mind is powerful and has the ability to make decisions that can please another person.
Second, do not assume that you know what your partner wants. Ask her or him. We often assume our partner thinks like us, which is often not the case. So instead of assuming that you know what your partner wants, needs or what will fulfill your partner talk to them and find out exactly what they want or need.
Last, I believe there are probably different ways of satisfying your partner when medical or health problems prevent the traditional methods. Perhaps you should explore alternative ways to bring pleasure to your wife. You might want to encourage your wife to explore new ways to bring you pleasure. If you need help with ideas, talk to your doctor or another professional to find out how other cancer survivors deal with this issue. I am sure you are not the first and perhaps someone has some advice or ideas that you have not thought about. Never limit yourself or give up. Always keep looking and searching for the truth, for an answer that works for you.
I agree with you that too many married people, both husbands and some wives, are not getting enough sex in their marriage diet. I, for one, am one of these. I believed in those two Scriptures that you quoted for a long time, until my wife proved otherwise in our marriage. I long to be close emotionally and physically with my wife, and spiritually, and yet, we do not experience true intimacy because something in her is blocking that from happening. For the first few years of our marriage, we had sex almost daily or at least 5 or 6 times a week, mostly because that's what I wanted and communicated. However, after two years, we had our first child, and two years later, a second child, and our sex life completely deteriorated. Now, after 9 years of marriage, we make love about 4-6 times a month. She's happy with that frequency, but is not really even into it. I would guess maybe once a month she pursues me sexually; the rest of the time I'm pursuing her. I'm so discouraged and disillusioned now that I no longer even believe in romance or intimacy in marriage, at least not in this marriage and not with this woman.
I love her and want intimacy with her emotionally, sexually, and spiritually, but I don't think I'll ever be able to achieve it with her. This makes me very depressed and sad, and I'm going through a time of grieving right now over her rejecting my sexuality.
She basically sees my sexuality, that part of me, as some kind of monster that is never satisfied and makes her feel unsafe and brings havoc on our marriage. She just wants that part of who I am to be strangled to death and non-existant.
I often feel like a married celibate, like I'm married to a nun, who has castrated me and left me as a eunuch. She keeps me around because she wants the other benefits of having a husband around, but certainly does not want to be part of a sexually alive and vibrant and interacting sexual relationship with her husband.
She guards her breasts like they were the royal British crowned jewels. They are constantly kept covered and out of my sight and touch. The only time I really ever get to enjoy them is for that very short period while I'm bringing her to orgasm. Otherwise, they're basically off limits and forbidden. This drives me crazy as I have always been attracted to women's breasts, and I always looked forward to marriage when I would be able to touch my wife's breasts and be satisfied and exhilerated with them. That has not happened, and I can't see that ever happening with her.
I am now at the point that I've pulled back and do not want to initiate any more sex or romance with her because I feel betrayed by her and abandoned and defrauded by my wife. She seems to hold all the power, all the control, all the cards, and she won't budge an inch.
At this point I don't know what to do short of castrating myself. I can't go outside of my marriage to fulfill my desires and sexual needs, because that would be sinful and very destructive, while at the same time I cannot find fulfillment or have my needs met within the marriage. I'm between a rock and a hard place. Pray for me...
I agree with you that too many married people, both husbands and some wives, are not getting enough sex in their marriage diet. I, for one, am one of these. I believed in those two Scriptures that you quoted for a long time, until my wife proved otherwise in our marriage. I long to be close emotionally and physically with my wife, and spiritually, and yet, we do not experience true intimacy because something in her is blocking that from happening. For the first few years of our marriage, we had sex almost daily or at least 5 or 6 times a week, mostly because that's what I wanted and communicated. However, after two years, we had our first child, and two years later, a second child, and our sex life completely deteriorated. Now, after 9 years of marriage, we make love about 4-6 times a month. She's happy with that frequency, but is not really even into it. I would guess maybe once a month she pursues me sexually; the rest of the time I'm pursuing her. I'm so discouraged and disillusioned now that I no longer even believe in romance or intimacy in marriage, at least not in this marriage and not with this woman.
I love her and want intimacy with her emotionally, sexually, and spiritually, but I don't think I'll ever be able to achieve it with her. This makes me very depressed and sad, and I'm going through a time of grieving right now over her rejecting my sexuality.
She basically sees my sexuality, that part of me, as some kind of monster that is never satisfied and makes her feel unsafe and brings havoc on our marriage. She just wants that part of who I am to be strangled to death and non-existant.
I often feel like a married celibate, like I'm married to a nun, who has castrated me and left me as a eunuch. She keeps me around because she wants the other benefits of having a husband around, but certainly does not want to be part of a sexually alive and vibrant and interacting sexual relationship with her husband.
She guards her breasts like they were the royal British crowned jewels. They are constantly kept covered and out of my sight and touch. The only time I really ever get to enjoy them is for that very short period while I'm bringing her to orgasm. Otherwise, they're basically off limits and forbidden. This drives me crazy as I have always been attracted to women's breasts, and I always looked forward to marriage when I would be able to touch my wife's breasts and be satisfied and exhilerated with them. That has not happened, and I can't see that ever happening with her.
I am now at the point that I've pulled back and do not want to initiate any more sex or romance with her because I feel betrayed by her and abandoned and defrauded by my wife. She seems to hold all the power, all the control, all the cards, and she won't budge an inch.
At this point I don't know what to do short of castrating myself. I can't go outside of my marriage to fulfill my desires and sexual needs, because that would be sinful and very destructive, while at the same time I cannot find fulfillment or have my needs met within the marriage. I'm between a rock and a hard place. Pray for me...
I am a woman and I have been promoting sex in marriage for years, when a husband and wife can have passionate sex together it will strengthen the bond of marriage. Why get married if intimacy is no longer going to be a part of the marriage?
From a woman's stand point, I would say that men in general can stimulate their wives more by number one giving them mind sex and number two dating their wives. To many couples will have sex and not talk about it. What does you wife like in bed what turns her on? what does your husband like in bed what turns him on?
Husbands and wives have to talk about sex with one another.
For the man that has cancer there are so many wonderful ways that you can still turn your wife on so that she will will view you as the man that you want her to see you as! There are techniques that you can do with her that will give her great pleasure and you pleasure in knowing that you can do that for her!!
peace and great sex.....lol
I think back and wonder if my husband and I talked enough about sex before we got married? I can relate to what CHRIS said.Because I'm now a wife in similar position Chris is in, my husband wants to have sex less times in a week than I do.I want it daily, but he wants it just weekends only or maybe day or two in the week as well, at most.
I'm a 25yr,newly-wed, with a husband who says he's constantly stressed at work,works long days, so needs to sleeps very early.
I was praying and happened to stumble across this blog, as I was looking for a resolution to what seems like a sex-rut within my marriage.
My husband and I were in courtship for two years before we got married, and we always tried to be as open as possible before we were wed so there were no expectations we both didn't know about.
I have confronted my husband about my sexual desires(maybe not in the best ways I admit).He told me,"isn't it better to let our passion accumulate." so he would rather have sex less because he believes its something very sacred.
I understand him,also he works very hard to provide for us, so I realise he can be tired a lot, and he does need his sleep because he needs to leave home by 7.45am.
But I cant help feeling neglected, and dare I say unloved at times(an we been married less than one year). I've expressed to my husband I'm very tactile person. I love to be touched, kissed and embraced.This is just how I feel loved.But he's used to coming from a background of not,if any touching.
I love him very much and I want to be a good wife, so for his sake I'am trying to operate more self-control,and pray about my situation.But I sometimes feel like I'am burning with desire for a man who (bear in mind is only two years older than me)just isn't that into me.
If someone can advice me I will be more than grateful.
Post a Comment
<< Home